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Post by astraldreamer on Wed Apr 24, 2019 1:07 pm

hey everyone, im really worried about my youngest daughter, jj. she just turned 15 but she is struggling with everything so much.

im wondering if she maybe a empath like me or one of the types of starseed children, i first noticed something a little different about her when she was about 3  months old.

she would scream and scream if you laid her down in the day time, and wouldnt stop until you propped her up, she always liked to be able to see all around her and just used to sit and  watch people or look up at the ceiling.

as she got older she preffered to play alone rather than with other children, her favourite toys were stones, pebbles, and she loved insects and animals and as she got older she began to love crystals and talked about fairies and people living in her bedroom wall.

jj didnt talk until she was nearly 4 years old, i think she could talk, she just chose not too, she liked to observe and i had to teach her baby sign language.

she has always had anxiety, always struggled with making friends, hates loud noises, hates crowds and often tells me she hates people.

at the age of 13 she was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder.

now my problem is her anxiety at school and home is through the room, as soon as she is anxious she becomes mute and no one can get through to her, not even me, she is struggling with the work load at her mainstream school , running off to hide in the toilets most lessons, and at home she just wants tobe left alone, any little command or instruction leads to hours of meltdowns.

she has been self harming for a while, started because of the stress at school, bt just lately if i tell her off at home or she feels overwhlmed due to her many sensory issues she self harms at home also. but it is at school she is struggling the most because they do not understand autism and all of the teachers are not on the same page, i mean she is still getting detentions for being mute or for not giving teachers eye contact when asked too or too many teachers talking to her at once or too much input.

one of jj sensory issues is she cannot take too much verbal at once and you have to speak slowly in simple terms or she becomes overwhelmed.

I do not know what to do, as her mum i am stuck between telling her off and setting boundries as any parent should or to just leave her alone so that she is happy and not wanting to self harm.

its a horrible feeling and situation, and is only gonna get worse with her gcse exams coming up.

she is going to be assessed for a ehcp plan soon, if she gets the go ahead with that then it will enable her to have special needs help in education until she is 25, also opens up the option for a special needs school, which to be honest i feel if she was diagnosed earlier she never would have been sent to a mainstream.

does anyone have any advice, normal or spiritual of how i can get her to feel less anxious , happier, communicate better, i dunno, i  just want her to be happy and not so stressed x

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Post by Button on Wed Apr 24, 2019 3:37 pm

Have you tried to contact National self harm groups she might talk to a stranger about things some times its easier and keep telling her you love her hugs astral xx
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Post by astraldreamer on Wed Apr 24, 2019 3:43 pm

Button wrote:Have you tried to contact National self harm groups she might talk to a stranger about things some times its easier and keep telling her you love her hugs astral xx

she had a counsellor, on the waiting list for another as she used her 6 weeks that they gave her already, she hates meeting new people and talking in general so its hard to help her x

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Post by Button on Wed Apr 24, 2019 3:50 pm

What about anxiety group are there any in your area I no she doesn't like meeting new people but I think you should try her on this group I no someone just like this and they went to anxiety group and they didn't want to go but the mother pushed her son to go and he is doing really well now he didn't like meeting new people but he has come on leaps and bounds now he is 14x
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Post by astraldreamer on Wed Apr 24, 2019 10:17 pm

thanks yes it sounds like a good idea i will talk to her about it but its not just her anxiety that is a barrier its her autism, she hates new places, new people and groups etc x

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Post by Button on Thu Apr 25, 2019 8:46 am

One of my relatives has autism and she doesn't like meeting other people to but her mum pushes her to go to groups like swimming horse rideing so she can interact with other kids she is 14 years of age because her mum said to me she is is is doesn't want her sitting in her room feeling low xh
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Post by Cloud on Fri Apr 26, 2019 4:37 am

Hey Astral hugs

I used to be a youth support worker and would run groups for teens / young people age 13-25 and one subject we'd discuss often was self harm. I used to work with teens who had self harmed (from cutting to od'ing and so on) and one thing I noticed is that it was mostly due to a few things.... a lot of the young people I worked with did it because they felt frustrated and not listened to, others felt like they were not being heard or included and some had issues they felt they couldn't talk about to anyone else at all so their way of communicating their distress was by self harming/cutting etc.... that's not to say it's why she's doing it as every child is an individual but it sounds like you are right..school is stressing her out... and if she's being punished for her disability then I can see why she is frustrated... with the teachers and school in general..

viewing it from a spiritual/psychic viewpoint when I connect to jj I feel as though she feels that they are singling her out. I feel she's the kind of girl who likes to be on people's best side.. she really likes it when others acknowledge her effots and hard work and it sounds/and feels/ like the school is run like a cattle market.. you know.. not much time with teachers on 1-1, just in and out and she's not getting much praise for trying.. and I feel she's been working hard and doing her best but feels as though nobody is noticing at school........... she feels left out, ignored and targeted

I know how hard it is having a teen that self harms, my nephew started self-harming in December time and I had to take him to CAMHS clinic and even then it was such a fight to get him to see someone on a regular basis... it was really concerning because when they are doing that you always feel as though you need to watch them 24/7 and you sleep with one eye open wondering what's going to trigger it again or what is causing it. For him, it was issues at school as well.. one teacher called him lazy, and then bullying at school over his weight. It took him a long time to open up about this. Is there any chance JJ is having problems at school with students as well?.. a lot of teens are too afraid to talk about bullying from peers but it's a leading cause of some of the self harming you see around that age.. with autism though it must be frustrating because I know they find it hard to explain themselves sometimes and I know they shut down and go mute.. it's really wrong the teachers are not understanding it's part of jj's autism and they seem to be thinking she's rebelling.. . what a pain, i'm so sorry....

I wish every teacher was educated on disabilities and mental health/autism so they could understand. I'm sure her tutor is aware of her autism but it doesn't seem as though everyone's on the same page... communication is never good between all teachers in most schools... it's like a sheep herding mentality.. get them in do the lesson and get them out again, instead of taking time out to read up on the pupils who have special needs in their class...

I hope the assessment goes well, I feel it should do.
I know she's on a waiting list for a counsellor but is thre any way to call your GP and mention the self harming and perhaps they can speed up the referral?.. it sounds urgent to me, and again, therapy lists are a pain even for children. It seems these days that if kids are not self harming, they are less priority and will wait longer, even if the main issues requiring support are urgent themselves.. she deserves proper help from them and pretty fast..

If she has anybody from CAMHS i'd call them as soon as possible and mention what you've said above, the sooner they help her out with this the better, chances are when things improve then the self harm might, but the longer she goes without the medical/mental health help the more it's likely to go on.... hugs hugs ..

If you are ever seriously worried about her mental health you can always take her to a&e, they have mental health people there who will see under 18's as well, sometimes doing that can speed everything up

She's so lucky to have a mum who cares and supports and is thinking of her needs now and in the future.. she's so lucky. Lots of teens don't have that, I feel with your support she will be fine but yeah. keep pushing those mental health people and the school needs to know (all of her teachers) need to know she's autistic and that it's not bad behaviour it's to do with her struggles............

Are you allowed to pull her out of a detention?

Danny was also placed in detention when he got upset over being called lazy and when he was being bullied.. we called up his tutor to explain we were not happy with danny being in detention and that we were coming to collect him..also told tutor that if they had a problem with this we'd be happy to talk to headmaster over the actual cause of him being upset (teachers mocking him)... they didn't have much to say to that. You know, a lot of these teachers take frustration out on students, they have a short fuse sometimes.. I feel that detentions are a slap-bang answer they feel will address all problems in the classroom when really they make situations worse. She doesn't need that, she needs the school to step up and help address her education/support needs. I feel it will go well.. fingers crossed for you..let us know.

If they say no, appeal it....


Hugs

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Post by astraldreamer on Sat Apr 27, 2019 6:58 pm

thanks cloud, you are right that is how jj is, the school are useless and the doctor blames everything on teenage hormones.
i know the main problem is school, she is so on edge and anxious at school but mostly holds it all together until she gets home.

im forever battling with the school and yes i pull her out of any detentions if i feel the behaviour was down to her autism, i know the difference between a melt down and normal teenage tantrums, surely they should know too by now.

im going to buy her some crystals monday and some nice meditation music, i already bought her a salt lamp, and shes been sleeping so much better i cant get her up in the mornings lol.

maybe these things can help x

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