Next Chat Event





..

Beneath the Veil - my grief journey

Page 3 of 4 Previous  1, 2, 3, 4  Next

Go down

The author of this message was banned from the forum - See the message

Re: Beneath the Veil - my grief journey

Post by Cloud on Thu Sep 13, 2018 2:08 pm


Todays


One before

I had another visitor. If you look back on the post from yesterday... this is exactly the same but a different smaller one, on the same window Very Happy
This is definitely a sign from S, I know it is

_________________
Cloud
Cloud
Psychic Reader
Psychic Reader

Female Zodiac : Capricorn Posts : 3411
Points : 8007
Times User Thanked: : 120
Join date : 2018-01-12
Location : The Skies

Back to top Go down

Re: Beneath the Veil - my grief journey

Post by Cloud on Thu Sep 13, 2018 2:14 pm

Starbreaker wrote:
Judge not lest you be judged ... pay no attention to those people. No one has ever walked a step let alone a mile in your shoes .  You are very much loved and appreciated by your friends . We always will be here for you.

hugs  hugs  hugs

Thank you hugs
My friends are diamonds, I love them so much. They've guided me, stood by my side. I'm blessed

.. Couldn't have done this without them admire admire

_________________
Cloud
Cloud
Psychic Reader
Psychic Reader

Female Zodiac : Capricorn Posts : 3411
Points : 8007
Times User Thanked: : 120
Join date : 2018-01-12
Location : The Skies

Back to top Go down

Re: Beneath the Veil - my grief journey

Post by Cloud on Fri Nov 02, 2018 2:18 pm

Cloud wrote:
Todays


One before

I had another visitor. If you look back on the post from yesterday... this is exactly the same but a different smaller one, on the same window Very Happy
This is definitely a sign from S, I know it is

My butterfly came back today, not once but twice cupid

_________________
Cloud
Cloud
Psychic Reader
Psychic Reader

Female Zodiac : Capricorn Posts : 3411
Points : 8007
Times User Thanked: : 120
Join date : 2018-01-12
Location : The Skies

Back to top Go down

Re: Beneath the Veil - my grief journey

Post by Cloud on Fri Nov 02, 2018 2:19 pm

I let it out and I've been looking at it for ten minuts flying up to the window trying to come back in again .. it's really a determined little thing. Whilst I have no doubt this is a sign from spirit I can't also help but wonder what it likes about my place

_________________
Cloud
Cloud
Psychic Reader
Psychic Reader

Female Zodiac : Capricorn Posts : 3411
Points : 8007
Times User Thanked: : 120
Join date : 2018-01-12
Location : The Skies

Back to top Go down

Re: Beneath the Veil - my grief journey

Post by Button on Mon Nov 19, 2018 7:21 pm

This is so beautiful and so true words are not enough sometimes .I found the first year I was in shock took a while to sink in I have learnt to live with it everyday my heart is broken it will never mend I no she is an angel and she is with the angels that gives me comfort hugs xxxx
Button
Button
Psychic Reader
Psychic Reader

Female Posts : 226
Points : 564
Times User Thanked: : 42
Join date : 2018-09-16

Back to top Go down

Re: Beneath the Veil - my grief journey

Post by Cloud on Mon Nov 19, 2018 10:44 pm

Hugs Button thank you hugs :love:

Yeah. The first year was a huge blur.
I remember that whole morning, to be honest I couldn't even cry. I was in pure shock. I couldn't hear what people were saying to me, I paid no attention to my surroundings. I just remember hearing the doctor  talking to the nurses, saying my name followed by ''demise''  (death) and it will stick with me for life

My mother drove me home after I was seen in the hospital and I remember it was raining, cloudy.... I just remember walking out of the hospital and feeling completely empty, it didn't happen in hospital but I had to be checked over afterwards and given medications.
It was grey, windy.. and my mother didn't know how to help me so she stuck on the radio In the car and it was a talk show, a male and a female talking about birth announcements on facebook and how we are so fed up with them. He said something like

''We know jim and sarah that you just had another baby, big deal, we heard about it once please stop posting about it on facebook, it's another child.. people have babies every single day of the year you are not special'' something like that. And the woman was laughing and agreeing with him. I switched off the radio and I remember just feeling so so cursed

The next few weeks I hardly remember. I slept as much as I could, I didn't want to talk to anybody. I wouldn't even call it depression i'd call it pure shock, it all happened so fast and it reminded me how fragile life is. I got one card and that was it.. partially my own fault because I didn't reach out to many people at that point and tell them what had happened because I was so drained and in shock.
I had one card from the lady I posted a picture of in this thread and she was a good friend to me, passed away in 2017 but she was really my strength during all of this. My friends on here I hadn't been in touch with them for a while as this was happening but I know they would have supported me. I went within and I don't remember much. All a horrible blur and once I was finally able to talk about it with people I hadn't seen for a while I had mixed reactions. Some told me they were sorry for me as if they were talking about me losing a £5 note in the street. ''So sorry that's bad luck'' kind of attitude.. others (even strangers) were really supportive and a lot of medical staff were just robotic .. here's a leaflet for this, and a leaflet for that.. I didn't want to reach out to any service I just really needed a hug and that's all I wanted.

I was unfortunate that S's dad had never stuck around, it was all happy planning and plain sailing until he failed to turn up for our meet up we arranged when I was about 3 months. We had split up before i'd found out but I had made arrangements for contact and everything well ahead of time. I was stood up , he never showed, but we were ok anyway. And I know we would have been had she survived.


With the shock and pain of everything I pushed a lot of people away. My mum was crying more than I was  and I remember thinking to myself... why are you more upset than me? you haven't just had to go through all of this and i'd become angry at her crying. When I look back I just see I was in complete shock and I suppose I felt that there was something wrong with me for not reacting how i'd imagine I would have, prior to it all happening. I didn't cry for a few days... I couldn't speak , eat, I didn't care about much at all.... you know how it is......

Support faded so quickly as with other bereavements, the phone stopped ringing, people stopped asking about it or talking about her, and I lost strength to keep going to parent bereavement chats because I noticed some people were competitive in there.. I didn't have the energy to repeat myself and typing it out was when it really hit me.

I remember staring around the lounge at these balloons and socks and teddies and just thinking.. this can't have just happened...


To date I still get very upset but i'm a little bit more at peace. Holidays are horrible , summer is the worst of all though every time may comes around I just want to ignore the whole month. Because we don't forget these things... May 14th this year, the weather was just the same. It was grey, rainy, just like that day.... and those little reminders were so triggering.

It hurts going through all this but it hurts when you are alone going through all this. My mother isn't a bad person and I know she tried but the support was so short lived and now she doesn't ever want to talk about S. I understand her pain and mine will never be the same but I've had to deal with it a lot on my own. I cope in my own ways these days as I've had to become familiar with helping myself since others were never around back then

But she is still around me and on my mind every day in some form or another and always will be. Life is as fragile as a butterfly's wings..... and love is the strongest energy form of them all..........

_________________
Cloud
Cloud
Psychic Reader
Psychic Reader

Female Zodiac : Capricorn Posts : 3411
Points : 8007
Times User Thanked: : 120
Join date : 2018-01-12
Location : The Skies

Back to top Go down

Re: Beneath the Veil - my grief journey

Post by Button on Tue Nov 20, 2018 5:39 am

That is like me my family only came to see me once that was when she passed away they helped with the funeral arrangements am grateful for that but after that they havent came near me its like they say just get on with life but its very difficult at first I was working full time before she passed away I gave it up because I coudnt face going to work and people didn't ujdersand why they have to be in this position to undetstand I have a part time job now i just go to get out the house its only ten hours a week because I no i cant go back to full time work i no am not able I have two older children one is 33 and the other is 27 I put on a happy face for them when they come to see me i am 50 years young and thankyou cloud for being here hugs xxxxd
Button
Button
Psychic Reader
Psychic Reader

Female Posts : 226
Points : 564
Times User Thanked: : 42
Join date : 2018-09-16

Back to top Go down

Re: Beneath the Veil - my grief journey

Post by Button on Tue Nov 20, 2018 7:45 am

And I my two sisters used to say things about my daughter that passed away on fb nasty things when she was alive and one of them didn't speak to me when she was alive and when she passed away she started speaking to me they both have to live with wat they have done I took myself off fb because I coudnt bare to see them writing that stuff it will be 3years in January that she passed away I get bad days and some good days I just distance my self from my sisters because I need posativity in my life not people to drag me down I visit my daughter grave every Sunday. My older sister had a still birth 32 years ago but she said to me if i need to talk I can talk to her but I dont feel like I want to talk to her she went back to work after it happened and i feel she thinks I should have went back to work but I no myself I coudnt do it thats why i just do part time i work with a lady she lost her son he was 35 years and i feel its easier talking to a stranger than a relative hugs xxx
Button
Button
Psychic Reader
Psychic Reader

Female Posts : 226
Points : 564
Times User Thanked: : 42
Join date : 2018-09-16

Back to top Go down

Re: Beneath the Veil - my grief journey

Post by Button on Tue Nov 20, 2018 12:29 pm

My heart will never heal I was numb for about ayear I think am stil numb its because my heart has been broken I have a picture of me and her on her wedding day in my sitting room I talk to her every day hugs xxxx
Button
Button
Psychic Reader
Psychic Reader

Female Posts : 226
Points : 564
Times User Thanked: : 42
Join date : 2018-09-16

Back to top Go down

Re: Beneath the Veil - my grief journey

Post by Cloud on Tue Nov 20, 2018 5:18 pm

I completely understand Button, i'm so sorry hugs hugs hugs

My heart goes out to you

It was the same for me, I was 1 and a half years from finishing my nursing course and was holding down a voluntary and a paid job all at once, then my whole world crashed down and I had to leave everything. I still don't feel guilty today and I have no regret because there was no way I could have finished it just like you said you had to drop work. There' sso much judgement especially from people who we once trusted and held close to us. It's really amazing how people's attitudes can be towards losses it's almost as if they are in denial or some illusion that we can just pick up and set off again like we were before. It's far from the truth and you are right it's sometimes easier talking to strangers I love you

Had support for 8 weeks after and one woman told me that I should have a party to celebrate the life, let off balloons and buy a plant and sit and talk to it, and nurture it because it's another life. Needless to say I think I swore at her and put the phone down... she wasn't really specialist in losses but the advice that family friends and even medical people can give is just laughable. It's ok to feel angry though, and it's ok to distance yourself from people. Nobody ... nobody knew or would feel or even understand what your Angel daughter meant to you and means to you. They are not in your shoes and would hate to walk a mile in your shoes because they would have cracked too. I think you are doing so well working 10 hours a week and should be extremely proud of yourself :love: :love: yes.. staying in the house after so long drives you crazy giving you time to think too much. I like keeping busy and when I run out of thigns to keep busy with it's when the depression sinks in, usually at night as you probably understand. It's lovely you go every Sunday.. bless you ........... i'm always here keep talking away ok , you know I understand and now you are doing so well helping your friend who just lost her son. She probably thinks the world of you i'm sure, you are making it so much easier for her during the hardest time of her life..... you're doing your daughter proud

hug3 hug3

_________________
Cloud
Cloud
Psychic Reader
Psychic Reader

Female Zodiac : Capricorn Posts : 3411
Points : 8007
Times User Thanked: : 120
Join date : 2018-01-12
Location : The Skies

Back to top Go down

Re: Beneath the Veil - my grief journey

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

Page 3 of 4 Previous  1, 2, 3, 4  Next

Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum