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Beneath the Veil - my grief journey

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Beneath the Veil - my grief journey

Post by Cloud on Thu Jun 21, 2018 8:01 pm

This thread is a place for me to share my thoughts on loss and healing from it
No need to read it but i'm putting it all in one thread so I don't end up spamming the whole board with it. peace
I'm not posting this for myself as much as I am for others to feel someone relates. To help others see they are not alone, and for us to share ideas and thoughts on how to cope and heal from any kind of loss...


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Grief is a personal journey, what do you need?





It's a bad grief day, so Getting my thoughts out, let me know your thoughts if you'd like

Grief , I feel it's a personal journey
It's a lonely time when the phone stops ringing and people stop coming to visit. People eventually stop mentioning your loved ones' at all and it seems the moment we so much smile again it means all is well

I have had therapy and poured my heart out to counsellors and nurses, to strangers online, you name it... and I found that each person had a suggestion. Plant a plant and talk to it... go sit in the park... let balloons go.... sleep all you need to... suggestions kept coming. It's just important overall to accept what you feel will help you , even if it doesn't help as such. Even if it just makes the day easier to get through. You may not feel better but you will find the most healing comes from doing what *you* feel you need.  Doing what will help *you* grieve. Remembering *your* loved one how you would like to. Even if it's not going to be accepted by others. Get the piece of jewellery, name  a star, scream up to the heavens, just do what you feel is best.

The cycles of grief are not always in order .. that's important to remember. We can be angry, but we can swing into bargaining the next day and then the next week we may feel more peaceful, only to repeat it again. Yes, you may wonder about bi-polar and your friends might too, but accept it's normal and so are you, so are these waves, we can't resist them. It's a rollercoaster.. but all the time you look after yourself you will make room for healing

Not everyone is as strong as they seem, not everyone is the type who feels they can talk about their loss. Not everyone *will* share how they are feeling, some go within and keep it to themselves. Learning from that myself that it's important to talk about it. About how you feel. As after all, true friends wont mind, and those who do mind, don't matter. In times of hardship and pain you need loving, supportive people around you & i'm grateful for each and every one I do have, even though I can count them all on one hand. They are my Angels


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Re: Beneath the Veil - my grief journey

Post by Cloud on Sun Jul 01, 2018 3:30 am

1st July.

Everything aches today, I hate this month so much. Summer seems to be glazed over with bitter-sweet memories of all the beautiful people I've lost over the past few years. None of it was seen coming. The 17th is an anniversary of a good friend and then the 26th the loss of my closest friend. I feel angry today.... but I accept myself for feeling angry. They took their own lives. I suppose I've made progress now in trusting it wasn't my fault. I think when we lose people we regret so much. Whether it was a physical illness, drawn out or sudden, an accident, a suicide. We regret not going to visit, not calling, not messaging them back that day, we regret so much.

I blamed myself for so long but really its out of our hands. We can't see everything coming, even if we are psychic. I'm letting go of my guilt and I pray that everyone with a loss similar to this is able to let go of theirs too. No matter the causes of death , trust that you did everything you could, as you knew you could. You did your best. My personal belief is we'll go when it's our time and nothing can change that.

Losing so many close/loved ones has made me wake up and perhaps I am too clingy sometimes but I forgive myself for that. We don't know what's around the corner and I want everyone to know what they mean to me.

Even when our loved ones have passed and when we are regretting what we didn't do, your loved ones forgive you. I have read for so many years and when spirit come through they mainly tell loved ones it's ok. Sitters ask me , are they angry? and the loved ones stand and they tell me NO. Tell my loved one it's  ok. I don't hate them for what they said, didn't say, what they did, or didn't do.. I want them to know I've made peace and I love them.

So ... let the guilt go. I am.. it's not easy to accept you couldn't have changed anything, but you really couldn't have. God wanted to take them back, and they are at peace

They forgive you and they would like you to feel peace


Sidenote.. a Wise friend of mine recently said .. Just because someone dies young, is not to say they never lived a full life. I really agree with that. It's not the time, it's how the time was used up. I think a person can enjoy life more in 1 year sometimes than they can in 10. It's the small things, the big things, it's not the time measured.
This ^ has brought me a lot of peace and I thank them

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Re: Beneath the Veil - my grief journey

Post by Cloud on Fri Jul 13, 2018 7:39 pm

Here is my summary of grief in 5 words:

When it rains, it pours.




Just like rain, we  can't stop it or have control of it, it falls when it falls and if we're out in it, we're out in it

The grief comes when it wants to


Just like rain, some days it's peaceful and some days it a nuisance,

Sometimes it's accompanied by a storm, other times you may see a rainbow


Some days we have shelter and some days not,
Sometimes we just have no choice but to stand in it.

But there's nothing we can do but to put up with it.

Some dance in it others try avoid it altogether, but it doesn't stop the fact it's raining.

There is nothing we can do but accept it and brave it. Same with grief

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Re: Beneath the Veil - my grief journey

Post by Cloud on Tue Jul 24, 2018 6:32 am




Love connects us all to our loved ones & this doesn't change after a death





Temporary separation may tangle the thread, when a loved one passes, it may stretch and you may forget it's there at all in times you need comfort. But it's there, it always will be, we'll be bound by love forever. We'll be connected to them by love until we meet with them again.


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Re: Beneath the Veil - my grief journey

Post by astraldreamer on Tue Jul 24, 2018 3:52 pm

beautiful words cloud, sending hugs x

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Re: Beneath the Veil - my grief journey

Post by Cloud on Tue Jul 24, 2018 4:02 pm

Thank you :love: :archangel:

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Re: Beneath the Veil - my grief journey

Post by Cloud on Sun Aug 12, 2018 8:22 am

You're welcome Ruben, so sorry for your losses as well

Ruben wrote: tell myself Chad had a moment of hopelessness
and despair . He acted on those thoughts that instant.

I completely agree with you. I found this hard to get my head around..before my first friend's suicide, she was talking a week prior about starting yoga classes. And poof.. she left so quickly, out of the blue, leaving us all in total shock. We all said .. how? she would have been terrified of doing that ... we'd never have thought she could, or would do it, but I look back and I see she had a moment of despair and that was it. I'm so sorry you feel this pain, of this kind of loss.... hugs

Hold on to those memories , you are doing great in helping your daughter, she is very lucky to have you. Also, that's beautiful what he said to you about the rent, he sounds like a lovely caring chap. The world lost another great person... my thoughts and prayers are with all of you

:hug: :comfort:

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Re: Beneath the Veil - my grief journey

Post by Cloud on Sun Aug 12, 2018 8:30 am

Another note on suicide

I'm in groups for survivors of suicide and many of us agree we hate the term committed suicide
Our loved ones did not commit a crime, the term is hurtful on the flipside so we all promised to ask of this.. next time you go to say committed suicide, please consider using the term, died by suicide, after all the depression , mental health, their troubles are what took them admire
Sharing in hopes it will help some therapist, someday, some doctor, to change the term they use for committed suicide/died by suicide.

Anyhow not much for me to update other than someone stole Sophia's Angel statue. It wasn't an expensive one, it was £20 but I got that for her, to remember her. It had a little solar lantern the angel held and i'm cursing the person who stole it everyday. It got me thinking on stealing. If someone needed something and it was a case of life or death (say a starving child or homeless person on the brink of starvation) this kind of stealing is nothing compared to people stealing for the sake of it, for their own gain, you know...

If you ever see someone stealing plants, garden things, or anything from a cemetery/vandalizing it/acting suspicious around graves or memorial gardens, please call the police. It may seem like nothing to you but it does happen. Some people can't wait to go steal plaques/solar lights/god knows what else they can.. leaving little thought for what that really means to someone. I've been quite upset about it but my anger/upset has clouded any intuition over who it may have been. I'll just have to let it go, and hope whoever it is, is enjoying it.
Rolling Eyes Neutral

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Re: Beneath the Veil - my grief journey

Post by Cloud on Sun Aug 12, 2018 8:36 am

Ruben wrote:We hugged and I never ever will forget that. I miss
him I always will. I try to be there for his sons who are
grown. We always talk and they know they can come to me and I will listen.

hugs hugs
I have no words, just thank you for being there for his sons

Listening is life-saving, life-changing, it's the greatest quality anyone can have., like I was saying to astraldreame yesterday, not many people truly listen like most of you here do. I notice you all listen carefully and properly.. keep it up. Someday that will really come in handy when you're trying to help someone. A little care goes a long way

You being there for his sons i'm sure it means the world to them. You probably understand that as time goes on it's like some people forget. Of course you family don't.. so his sons need that and i'm sure he's very proud of you and your daughter for all you've done for each other and the sons.

angel2

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